Merry Christmas!

It`s actually been a very smooth eve and day for me, and I hope that any readers out there have been having a good one as well. I know that these times can be lonely, stressful, anxiety-ridden or what have you; I was completely expecting that. Over the past couple of weeks I had been only eating a certain number of things exactly when I wanted to eat them, and I was a little worried that the combination of being around a large number of people and a large amount of food would be tremendously exhausting for me.

Weirdly enough, though, I`ve been riding on a bit of a confidence high as of late. Going out for two nights in the bars back home has been very different from the northeastern scene...much more complimentary I guess? It`s hard to explain and it is definitely not getting to my head, but I think the mixture of finally getting out of bed regularly, being around my dog and seeing people a lot more has had a nice impact on my general outlook.

Now it`s time to re-buckle down. I got a yoga mat for Christmas, and there`s aa really nice gym right by my house that I can go to before I leave for school once again. To finish up college once and for all. Still can`t get over how bizarre of a concept that is.

I just need to get out of here. Break out of this body, find some other way to exist. Accidentally slept through my psych appt today. She's going to think of it as a cry for help, when really it was a mistake. I needed it. I have no one to talk to right now.

I don't care about anything anymore. But I'm trying to finish what I've set out to do, because I know that eventually I will.

Where has my strength gone? I'm just an empty sack of pathetic nothing. Hurt by everything, always fucking up.

I just want to lay in bed forever with no one to see me disappear.