Stupid girl, dry your eyes...

Last night I fell asleep with tears on my pillow. As of late, that has become a relatively common occurrence, but for all intents and purposes, last night was a pretty good one. I was was outgoing, made some new friends, just generally hid behind the I'm-okay mask that can go up when necessary. But the mask got a chip in it right when we were about to leave. The thing that kills me was that it was so fucking petty. The guy that I had been talking to for the past half hour just mentioned his girlfriend and I said oh ok and got up to meet my friend, and he stated "oh, you didn't think I was flirting with you, did you?"

It pisses me off that a nobody, a stranger in a bar has the ability to put a dagger through my very limited self-worth with just a sentence. And not even know or care that he did so. Of course you wouldn't be flirting with me, because who would be flirting with a cow? No one wants livestock. The cab ride home was spent laughing about the people we had met, but as soon as my roommate was asleep I started battling with myself about wanting to cut. I kept away from it, but this is exactly why I talk myself down from crushes - no man will have control over me like this.

I guess the issue comes down to who I want controlling how I feel about myself. I've learned from a whole lot of women in my life than men are far to flimsy to base a self esteem on; the scale is what I much prefer to go by.